Testimonials

This page contains the testimonies of just a few of the people whose lives have been touched by Fertility Challenges Support.        

     My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for over five years.  After going as far as possible with my OB/Gyn, early in the summer of 2005 we finally sought treatment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  I found the process to be emotionally draining.  My doctor did not spend a lot of time going over exactly what was wrong and why he chose the particular treatment he did.  I felt like I was thrown into a process I didn’t understand, and it was overwhelming and frustrating.  I found Lorraine’s business card at the doctor’s office one day and picked it up.  I sent her an email asking for more information because I wasn’t really sure who she was.  Lorraine responded with an email describing her own experience with infertility and asked me to call her if I’d like to talk.  

     When I called Lorraine, I had only talked to my husband and a couple of friends about my infertility issues, but none of these people had been through it or really knew what I was feeling.  I was angry, ashamed, embarrassed, and felt like I was failing as a woman.  Lorraine validated all of my feelings and was able to describe my feelings to me without me even having to tell her.  She helped me come to terms with my infertility, and all of this in one phone conversation!  She could relate with me, and that’s exactly what I needed.  I talked to her a few more times and went to my first support group meeting about a month after contacting her.  My husband and I were a little nervous about the meeting because it's difficult to talk about something so private and sensitive in front of strangers.  The meeting was a great outlet for us.  We told our story and got to meet others and hear their stories.

    I have developed several valuable new friendships through this entire process, including Lorraine, who has so much love to give and is as genuine as they come.  She and others have helped me through three treatments, an ectopic pregnancy and surgery where I lost a fallopian tube, and most recently, our decision to pursue adoption.  As difficult as all of this has been, I have to think that God knows what He’s doing because I know I was supposed to meet all of these women and be a part of FCS.  I wouldn’t trade my new friends for anything and now I am able to see all of the gifts that have actually come out of my infertility.  When I'm feeling down, I always know which person to email or call to boost me back up, and in turn being able to offer my support to others has been therapeutic for me.  Everyone has a different story, but we all have the same emotions.  No matter my fate, Fertility Challenges Support will always be a part of my life and I can’t thank Lorraine enough for the love and support she has given my husband and I to help us through this difficult journey to start a family.  Of course it has taken me a long time to get to this point.  Anyone reading this is probably still in the stages I was in when I contacted Lorraine.

     The support group has helped my husband as well.  Because I have other people to talk to now who understand what I’m going through, it takes the pressure off my husband trying to find the right words to say when I’m feeling down.  Attending the meetings has also helped him to better understand my feelings and the way I’m dealing with this.  My husband had not talked to anyone about our infertility experience before we began attending the meetings, and he has been able to express his feelings on the matter and talk with other husbands who are dealing with their sometimes crazy obsessed wives.  The meetings are not uncomfortable for the men who attend, and we often end up laughing and enjoying each other’s company.  Stories are told, information is exchanged, and everyone goes away feeling a little better, if for no other reason than that we were able to talk to others who truly understand.

     Valerie

     I'll never forget March 5, 2005 Brad and I sat in the office of our reproductive endocrinologist and listened to her nonchalantly say to us that I would never conceive a biological child.  A couple of weeks later one of my very best friends called me, and as soon as I said "hello", she blurted out "I'm pregnant"!  The room began spinning as I sat down and listened to her tell me how God had blessed her with this gift of conception.  While I was very elated for her, I had come to my wits end and I truly fell apart in a way that my husband had never seen.  As weeks went by Brad became concerned at my continued spiral into a depression that I was in no hurry to get over, he finally suggested that I find a support group.  I searched the Internet and telephone book and found NOTHING.  I remembered a card from FCS that I had received.  Lorraine Thomas, the group founder, was so wonderful when I called sobbing one night at 10:30 p.m. not ever having met her.  Lorraine, listened to me and she reassured me and while she couldn't promise me the outcome that I was praying for, she did promise that FCS would be here with me for the duration of my journey if that is what I needed.  

     Lorraine tried to encourage me to attend a meeting, but I refused, as I felt the meeting was for couples that still had a chance.  Brad finally convinced me that we should attend a meeting, and FCS has been in our lives ever since.  

     FCS has been so much more than "fertility challenges"; it represents a place where people can identify with my journey.  Infertility is an exclusive club to which some of us have been given the burden of membership, but FCS has helped me maintain a sense of who I am as a whole person and not only a reproductively challenged person.  Through FCS I have made two of the best friends I have, two people who will be in my life from here on and who know my heart better than people who have known me for years.  

     Brad and I have started the process of adopting our first child, and even through this, FCS is a part of every step, encouraging us, praying for us, and being excited for us.  FCS has made me realize that be it starting a family via ART or adoption, there are people out there who will embrace you through every step and that the sadness is only temporary.

     Thanks so much to My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for placing this challenge in my life because 1.) HE knew I could handle it, 2.) Because HE showed me a strength in my husband that I never knew was there and because 3.) HE knew I could handle it because HE already had Lorraine and FCS in place to fulfill her destiny of being there for others, and me, by assisting us through our journey.    

     Thanks Lorraine and Mark, Brad and I love you and really appreciate all that you have come to mean to us.

     Love Rae                                                                                                                              (Rae and Brad became the proud parents of a baby girl in October 2006!)

10/16/06 – My Testimonial 

I had never felt more alone.  I might as well not even been on this earth – I didn’t feel like I deserved it.  

Infertility wasn’t the start of my problems, but it was the beginning of the end.  I was completely shocked upon hearing the news.  Infertility couldn’t happen to me, it happens to other people, or at least no one that I knew.  Why me?  I wanted to have a child with my husband more than anything.  Sure, we had tried for a few months without success, but I never thought there was a problem.  

I went to my OBGYN for a recheck after having an abnormal pap smear, and my life changed forever.  I casually mentioned that we were trying for a baby when she said “you’ll need help getting pregnant – you don’t ovulate”.  Well, how come this is the first I’m hearing of this??  She might as well have been Charlie Brown’s schoolteacher, because I didn’t understand another word she said.  Thankfully, my husband was home and I went straight home instead of to work.  I fell into his arms and cried for what seemed like forever.   After awhile I felt better and went to work, but things just weren’t the same after that. 

Infertile thoughts began to run my life.  I plunged myself into work in hopes for a distraction, but it made things worse.  I started working all the time, early mornings, late nights, even through lunch.  I became completely obsessed about my job – everything had to be done perfectly; and if it wasn’t, I stressed about it until it was perfect.  To make matters worse, there were three pregnant women in my office.   I needed a vacation, so my husband and I went to Disney World.  It was amazing; but there were kids everywhere.  Infertility even followed me on vacation!!!

The infertile thoughts followed me everywhere else, too – work, my dreams, behind me in the grocery store checkout, even my own family.  My sister-in-law had just given birth to her second son.  I wanted to go and help her with the baby, but I just couldn’t.  I acted happy for her on the surface, but deep inside I was jealous and didn’t even want to think about her new baby.  In the midst of this, my husband was tested and we found out he had low sperm morphology.  Great, another thing for me to stress about.

Then it happened.  I crashed.  My husband returned home from a trip and told me that his brother and his wife were expecting.  I cried forever.  I slept.  I stayed in bed.  I wouldn’t eat.  I wouldn’t talk to anyone.   I wouldn’t walk the dog.  I just stared at the wall.  I kept thinking, why is this happening to us?  We’re good people, we’ve lived our lives right, we’ve saved our money, we will be great parents.  But there were no answers, no response.  I felt worse and worse.  I felt like I had failed as a woman; I was ashamed of what had happened and how I was dealing with it.  Why couldn’t I just be happy that I had a new niece or nephew on the way?

My husband dragged me out of bed to the doctor.  I was immediately put on anti-depressant medication and we were advised to join an infertility support group.  I knew my husband would have to go back to work, so my dad came out from back home to stay with me.  Thinking I would begin feeling better soon didn’t happen – my dad was here for three weeks.  Needless to say, I had to take a leave of absence from my job. 

My medications had to be switched due to an allergy, and around this time my husband found the FCS website.  There was a meeting that Saturday and I agreed to go.  Walking into that meeting was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  I cried the whole time; I couldn’t even speak.   Instead of feeling like an outcast, I felt loved and accepted by this group of people that I didn’t even know.  I wasn’t the only one – this happened to other women and couples – just like us.  I saw a dim light at the end of the tunnel.

But the downward spiral continued.  I got worse.  My depression got the best of me.  I became sadder, extremely angry, and wasn’t acting like myself.  I wanted to be alone.  All alone.  In my bed.  In my safe place from the bad things in the world.  I even tried to physically hurt myself.  I was so scared at where I was, but no one could help me.

My husband took me to a therapist and a psychiatrist.  It’s amazing with all the medical technology in the world that nothing feels better than sitting down and talking to someone.  Therapy worked wonders for me.  Until I found out my unmarried cousin was pregnant.   I retreated.  I cried.  I screamed.  I was afraid to be alone; afraid I might travel down the path of causing physical pain in a way to escape the emotional pain.  My husband took me to the hospital.  They took away all of my belongings, my clothes, but not the pain.  

They let me go home and a few days later my mother-in-law came to visit for about two weeks so that my husband could work.  My medication had been changed again.  I started to feel better.  I could get out of bed.  I could eat.  I could walk the dog.  More than that, I wanted to do these things.  I started to begin to feel like me again.

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding back home soon, so I was preparing myself for that.  I was feeling great.  Until the reception.  The first person I see is my college roommate; who tells me she’s pregnant.  I threw my bouquet down, kicked off my shoes, and ran.  And cried.  My husband took me inside where I cried and screamed and missed the entire reception.   I felt terrible for the way I reacted, but I couldn’t help but feel my feelings, which is something I had denied all this time.  

I returned home to familiar surroundings; my bed, the dog and cat.  I called one of the women I met at an FCS meeting.  We got together and she listened to me complain and be sad about what had happened.  That was what I needed more than anything – someone who could relate and tell me it was okay to feel the way I felt.  And she did.  For that I’ll always be grateful.   (Thanks, V)

Shortly after that, I saw the light - I felt like me again.  I fixed my hair.  I laughed.  I even had a beer!  I began to be a real person again; a wife, a friend, and someone with a purpose.  I even went back to work part-time.   

I realized that infertility is a part of me, but it does not define who I am.  My depression is now controlled and I feel better than I have felt in years.  I want to help others that have been in my place, whether through infertility or not.  I want to reach out to others; just as the women in FCS have done for me.  I can say they helped to literally save my life.  I hate that I had to go through this experience, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  My marriage is stronger, my faith in God has been renewed, and I’ve made some great friendships.  I’m just thankful that I had people strategically placed in my life to help me see the light – and want to.  I’m not currently seeking reproductive treatment, but I know the time will come when I will.  And I have a great support network that will be there for me when I do.  

So a big thanks to D, V, L, M, and FCS – because without your continued love and support I couldn’t have done this.   And I’m on this earth for a reason – to help others.  And that’s what I’ll be doing.   

I’ve never felt more alive.

     Jennifer (JJ)

Send mail to valerie@fcsupport.org with questions or comments about this web site.
Last modified: October 17, 2006