| Lorraine's Story |
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1999, 2001 ectopic pregnancies My name is Lorraine Thomas. I have been married 18 years to my husband Mark. We share the details of our infertility journey with you to let you know that we "get it". We understand the feelings you have and the pain and emotions that involved. We hope that in sharing our experience with you - it will allow us (FCS) into your hearts to help you begin to heal and accept the challenges that lie ahead - not having to go through it alone! Our story begins - We always said we wanted kids, but when it came time to try, we had no idea that we would have such problems... In June 1999 we were pregnant. At 8 weeks we learned that it was an ectopic pregnancy. The baby had to be removed, it can not sustain life in the fallopian tube, the baby could not be saved. We were given the choices of laparoscopy surgery or to be administered a Methotrexate injection (which would disintegrate the pregnancy). The latter was less invasive than surgery, so we opted for the injection. 1 week later I was in severe pain - the Methotrexate had worked through the pregnancy and ruptured my tube. My pregnancy was too far along for the chemical to distinguish between the pregnancy and the fallopian tube. I was bleeding internally and an emergency laparoscopy was performed to remove the fallopian tube. Our OBGYN said we could get right back at trying to conceive. We still had a wonderful chance of getting pregnant with the remaining tube, so we kept on trying for 18 long months. Finally with no success, we decided to seek help. Our OBGYN recommended to us a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). It was scary just trying to say the word. It was a big decision to come to the point where we needed to “ask for help” in conceiving, but I was desperate. We met with our RE and he ordered all kinds of tests; blood work, a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG). We were in the initial evaluation stages of becoming a new infertility patient, when I realized my period was late and I might be pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. We were so excited and happy. We didn’t need to do in vitro fertilization (IVF) at all – or so we thought. We called to tell the doctor the good news and he said he wanted to see us right away; he had a funny feeling that it was going to be another ectopic pregnancy. Our doctor performed a sonogram that revealed that this baby too was implanted in my remaining fallopian tube. As I got dressed and walked into his office to “talk about our options” I felt my hopes of being a Mom die. The doctor systematically walked us though our options of removing the ectopic pregnancy; surgery, Methotrexate… it was all blah…blah…blah to me and I LOST IT – right there in the doctors office I shouted – “Take it – Just Take it! Take the Tube – Take the Pregnancy – Take it All!” I was scheduled the next morning (January 29, 2001) for laparoscopy surgery that would remove my remaining fallopian tube! My final means of becoming a Mom. My future, my womanhood my life… Our RE told us “there is hope – there is IVF – but at that time in my life –I was not even interested. I became depressed. I could not return to work - I had to apply for family leave (FMLA) so I wouldn't lose my job. It took me 6 weeks to be able to see people again. I was prescribed antidepressants – I couldn’t talk to anyone. Believe it or not I even felt ashamed! I felt that I was less of a woman – I didn’t have all my parts. I even felt sorry for Mark - that if he had married anyone else he would have children. I was mad at God, why did you do this to me? Why give me the pregnancies if you were only going to take them away? How can you do this? I was afraid to do IVF, I didn’t know anything about it. I thought it was “playing God”. I didn’t know if it was “morally right”. I became consumed with learning more about it. I educated myself. I found any book I could on the subject (and at the time there weren’t many) and submerged myself into the ARTs. Finally I sought the approval of family members and decided to go for it. My brother-in-law, Scott is a Pastor – for me I had to know that it was okay being a Christian and doing IVF. I contacted Scott to talk with him about wanting to do IVF upon his return from a mission trip to Guatemala . I told him my worries and funny enough, Scott had just spent the past days in Guatemala with a RE. Scott put my worries to rest by telling me that God is the one who gave the REs the skills and abilities to do IVF and it was not playing God. God is the only creator of life and it is up to Him if the procedure will work or not. With that we set off on the road of fertility treatments. In March/April 2001 we started an IVF cycle. We were successful on the first attempt - which is not the norm. (God knew I couldn't take much more I guess). On January 29, 2002 (exactly one year to the day – from when my remaining fallopian tube was removed) our beautiful daughter Breanne Faythe was born. With that IVF cycle we had two embryos left over after transfer and we froze them for a possible transfer later on. When Breanne was 13 months old, in February 2003 we attempted a frozen embryo transfer (FET) and failed. We had a positive pregnancy test; however the follow-up HCG test revealed that my numbers were going down instead of doubling. I was upset of course, but so grateful for Breanne. Mark told me to count our blessings that we had her and he didn’t need anything more, but I knew in my heart that I wanted another child. I asked God that if it wasn't his will to just take the desire away from me - to want another child. But he never did, I wanted to try another IVF and Mark agreed. In May/June 2003 we entered into another IVF cycle. On June 4th we had 2 embryos out of 8 that were okay to transfer. We received our pregnancy test results over the phone – we were pregnant. “Come back into the office in 2 days for a subsequent quantitative HCG levels” we were told. We were on cloud 9. We did the follow-up blood work and received another phone call with the results. “Your HCG levels are declining – although not dramatically – it could be a number of things. There may have been two embryos implanted and one is sustaining – come back in 2 days for another blood draw”. We held on and I actually had hopes that the lab was wrong, that they were in some way not reading the numbers correctly or had them reversed somehow. Our final blood results were called into us saying “that we were definitely loosing the pregnancy – you should have your period in a couple of days” Eventually we lost the pregnancy. My questioning of God returned. Why was he doing this to us? Why the positive pregnancy tests? Why allow us to waist all this money? Why give us hope – only to pull the rug out from under our feet and watch us come crashing down? How much more can I take God? Mark and I were left alone to process the information of these losses. We were alone to decide what to do next. There was nothing that friends or family could do to help us. There was no one who understood what we had just been through. My desire for another child was still just as strong. I couldn’t shake it. I wanted a sibling for my daughter. I tried to convey this to Mark. It was so hard for him to understand. I ended up going into depression again. I felt I couldn't talk to Mark about my feelings, - that he just didn't care. BUT the truth was that Mark did care. HE CARED SO MUCH that he couldn't bare to see me go through another IVF cycle again and get my hopes up only to come crashing down 6 weeks later! After lots of soul searching, financial number crunching, and my ever-constant longing, Mark agreed to “one more time”. He said “you have to promise me this will be it, no more.” I agreed. In October 2003 we started another IVF cycle. We transferred 2 embryos on November 10th and froze 2 remaining embryos. On November 20th we took a pregnancy test that returned positive. We had a subsequent blood draw and HCG levels that were through the roof. We were pregnant - and not just a little bit! I had a sonogram on December 8th and it revealed 2 gestational sacs but one heartbeat. Bittersweet. We were definitely pregnant, but one of the little embryos started to live - made its own sac - but discontinued (a blighted ovum). On August 1, 2004 I gave birth to our Son, Brenden Luke. That is our story. While pregnant with Brenden, I wrote to my RE in June of 2004 and told him that I would like to start a support group for the patients at his office, and with his approval, in October 2004 we started Fertility Challenges Support. I feel that I have so much to give to others, having experienced success, failure and loss. Many doctor’s offices do not have a support system in place. In our experience we received our HCG level results from the blood tests over the phone from the RN, leaving Mark and I to deal with, process, and anguish alone over the letdown that the IVF cycle had failed. We realize what a sacrifice it is that you are making, both financially and mentally. We want to be here to support you. Fertility Challenges are one of the most difficult issues you will ever have to face in your life, if not THE most difficult. It takes a lot for most people to enter into the clinic and say – we have got a problem – can you help? It is a very private issue that you can’t share with everyone. You should not have to go it alone. I have it in my heart to reach out to other women and their families who are enduring similar circumstances, to let them know that they are not alone. My husband Mark will share that there is a male side to this as well – not only if there is a male factor but also dealing with a wife’s emotions; supporting her as she endures these treatments and trying to understand why on earth anyone would voluntarily do this! I want to encourage you in anyway I can. I hope you do decide to attend our meetings if you live in the area and I hope this website will provide you with lots of useful information and resources to aid you in this difficult journey. I am available to talk, anytime you call – please let me know what I can do for you today! With my sincere love, Lorraine Thomas Fertility Challenges Support This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. 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